Friday, February 12, 2016

A liberal and a progressive walk into a bar | Mickey Z.

Red and Blue Drink. By Sam Howzit, Flickr (CC BY 2.0)Red and Blue Drink. By Sam Howzit, Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Mickey Z. -- World News Trust

Feb. 12, 2016

The sign outside a jam-packed establishment named Democracy promises: 
Exercise Your Freedom of Choice with Our Super Varied Lunch Menu!
Double Cheeseburger Deluxe: $100
Double Bacon Cheeseburger Deluxe: $100

Liberal: I don’t even have to look. I already know what I’m getting.

Progressive: But…

Liberal (to waiter): The usual, please. Just make sure none of that evil bacon touches my less evil meat, cheese, and bun.
The liberal and the waiter share a chuckle.

Progressive (to waiter): You got any healthier options? Maybe some vegetables?

Waiter: Well, we’re working towards that… you know, one baby step at a time. Be patient, but of course, (pause for effect) keep hoping!

Liberal: Change takes time, my friend. Lots and lots and lots and lots of time.
They all nod solemnly. The other patrons grow respectfully silent.

Progressive: I was really hoping for a salad.

Liberal: Let me guess, a green salad?
The liberal and the waiter laugh raucously. Everyone in the place joins in.

Progressive (to waiter): Can I order a salad?

Waiter: Oh, you’re free to order anything you want here. This is Democracy, after all!

Progressive: Okay, cool. I’d like a salad. (to liberal) Gee, Democracy is swell.
The waiter soon returns with a single plate upon which sits a greasy, oozing, bloody-rare double cheeseburger on a white flour bun alongside a deep-fried batch of genetically modified potatoes. The liberal’s eyes light up before taking a big, drippy bite.

Liberal: Mmmm, not a hint of bacon evilness. Tastes like political revolution to me. 

Progressive: Where’s my salad?

Waiter: We don’t serve salads here, sir.

Progressive: But you said I was free to order anything.
The waiter glances at the liberal, his faces a mask of pity.

Waiter: You can order whatever you please, but the only people who actually get to eat in Democracy are those who pick something that’s on our menu. (pause) And by the way, your hypothetical Green salad costs $150. 

Progressive (takes out credit card): Oh well…I guess I’ll try again in four years.

FADE TO BLACK as the bar fills with comradely laughter.

Mickey Z. is the author of 13 books, most recently Occupy these Photos: NYC Activism Through a Radical Lens. Until the laws are changed or the power runs out, you can “like” his Facebook page here and follow his blog here. Anyone wishing to support his activist efforts can do so by making a donation here.
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"A liberal and a progressive walk into a bar" by Mickey Z. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
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